Writer's Block, Contentment, & A Busy Season of Life
Y'all the writers block was in full barricade mode this summer. Welcome to my first newsletter, blog, diary, whatever you want to call it, since May.
Everyone is busy. It's just the unfortunate pace of life we live here in America. The constant grind is honestly annoying. Yet, mine is often self-inflicted. We were never intended to move this fast--I know this. My whole shop was designed to make you feel like you can slow down, stay awhile--chat, browse, whatever feels best for your heart in that moment.
Yet I can't seem to do that myself. Over the last year, the shop has grown substantially--I'm so grateful! From switching point of sale systems, developing a new website, having more inventory and visitors than ever before; it's been a recipe for crazy amounts of growth without a staff size that can support it. So, me and my small team have been running around like chickens with their heads cut off for 4 months straight.
If you're new here, I have two sons--Leo and Jack. They are now 3 years old and 15 months old. From what everybody tells me, this is what is considered the thick of it. Two toddlers, a business, a household, doctors appointments and schedules to keep for all. It's a lot in this current season, something many working moms are feeling whether they're self employed or not.
All this to say, my newsletter and social media really suffered this summer because I simply cannot do it all. However, the shop was busy without the extra posting and as of today Year to Date Analytics are up by 6% from last year (doesn't seem like much but bottom line profitability is up and that's what matters!), and we fulfilled over 8,340 online and in-store orders since switching POS systems. That's nuts for a single location small business in Suttons Bay, MI. Or at least I think so!
Writing those analytics in this blog post does put some perspective into the contentment piece I want to talk about. I've had to work hard to push past the guilt that comes with taking time for myself. Whatever that looks like for you out there, I'm sure you can relate. This past spring I had to make a change because I was/am burning it down both physically and mentally. I didn't get a break, ever. My alone time was when my kids went to bed and even then there were lunches to pack, dishes to clean, a partner that wanted connection when nothing was even left for myself.
So once a week I started hanging out with my friends, usually Wednesdays. I do almost all pick up/drop off for my kids, so on that day I do not have to pick up. I don't go home until the kids are in bed. I have used that one night a week to work late when I really need to, but most of those Wednesdays have been spent with my two best friends. Mostly swimming at Good Harbor, walking along the Bay, getting dinner at Hop Lot or Finger's Crossed, or just doing a craft at Meghan's house. I have literally cried on several of those evenings because I feel that I don't deserve it, and that I should be home with the kids.
That's not true, and I'm a better mom when I can fill my bucket. I am more patient, kind, and less resentful.
Even with adding Wednesday Nights, trying to walk regularly, eating right, and keeping up with my therapist--the overwhelm is still there. And when it comes down to it, I am starting to believe that is because I am still struggling to be content with what I have.
Throughout my life this has been a trend. It keeps coming back. I climb the next mountain or I reach the next goal and still feel unfulfilled. I'm constantly chasing happiness through goals being accomplished. This idea that I am depressed or unhappy because I am discontent has been relayed to me by several people in several ways over the last decade. By mental health professionals, my parents, and friends. Why can't it click?
In my journey to better mental health, this summer I had a full on Psychiatric Evaluation in pursuit of an ADHD diagnosis. I just wanted to be able to focus better, I had no idea that being diagnosed with ADHD came with a 6 hour verbal and written test and that I would be sobbing at my local coffee shop while on Zoom with the Psychologist. (Insert crying with laughter and embarrassed emoji here.)
The doctor asked me questions about things throughout my life and my childhood that I had completely forgotten about until then. It was very deep and honestly really eye opening being asked some of those questions. One realization that he pointed out to me was the contentment piece. Which has been rephrased in different ways throughout my life.
After I bought my first house, a BIG deal in Leelanau County by the way, I was already talking about "my next house" and what I was unhappy with in my current home and how I wanted to fix it. I remember my mom saying, "you want everything your parents took 40 years to build overnight." And that stuck with me. Because she was right. Why couldn't I just be grateful that I finally owned a home in a county where the working class can't afford to stay? Why couldn't I just be happy with having a roof over my head that was mine?
It's the high expectations in every area of my life.
I love the Mel Robbins Podcast, and on my walk the other night her most recent episode The Best Financial Advice You'll Ever Hear really struck a cord in a way I didn't expect in the area of contentment/happiness. Especially not with a title like that, I wasn't expecting a psychology lesson.
I took a few notes on my phone as I walked, but one of my main takeaways was: Expectations have no ending in seeking validation.
And I let that sink in. Because I am the type of person that is always seeking validation. From my family, from strangers, friends, people that walk into the shop--EVERYONE. And I've always had this underlying thought that if I just climb the next mountain or I reach the next goal--everyone will be so proud of me and I will feel validated and on top of the world.
I accomplish a lot and I get praise for it but then it's onto the next goal, the next expectation I have for myself in order to find happiness and the happiness never comes because I am not content with what I have.
All of this long rambling to say, this week has been the start of a shift in trying to change my mindset. I am so blessed in everything that I have. I have a job that I love, two beautiful children, a house with a big yard and great neighbors with cute dogs. The business is busy, and I can afford what we need. I live where I grew up and am surrounded by fresh water and lakes that heal. I have support in most every corner of my life, and the pressure I put on myself is unnecessary.
I hope you enjoyed the read and that I can continue doing a regular newsletter again. Thank you for being here, I love you!
Xo, Chelsey